The Generic Story
by I am Lu
Summary: Every couple in every fandom has a ridiculously unoriginal, out-of-character plot. It is my mission to point them all out. Fear the generic-ness. Couple #9: Divine and Aki
1. Faithshipping: Yusei x Aki

Lucarly: Yes...This story has one purpose and one purpose only; to poke at all the shippings in 5D's. Every single shipping has a fandom that is full of generic stories, out-of-character attributes, etc. My job is purely to point them out in an amusing manner that'll make the characters look like idiots.

Aki: Or, at least, you'll try. You're not that funny.

Lucarly: Shut-up. Anyway, the character that will be pointing this all out in every story is myself; Carly. Don't get her confused for Carley Nagisa. The difference is I will spell my name without an 'e', and she will.

Aki: You're going to confuse everyone. Lucarly does not own Yu-Gi-Oh 5D's

* * *

**Faithshipping - Yusei Fudo x Aki Izayoi**

* * *

Aki quietly sat herself beside Yusei before she curled up into his chest. The dark-haired Satellite smirked and put his arm around her, pulling her in even closer. Aki smiled complacently and nuzzled into his shoulder.

Silence fell. The only thing that could be heard was the crackle of the flames from the fireplace in front of them.

"...Yusei?" inquired Aki in a soft tone, a faint blush appearing on her cheeks as she looked up at the man above her.

"What is it, Aki?" asked Yusei, the edges around his eyes softening upon looking down into her own eyes.

"Do you love me?" she asked shyly, her eyes full of longing and hope. Yusei's cheeks flushed pink.

"W-what?" he stammered.

"Do you love me?" she repeated, reaching out and trailing her finger along the grooves of his criminal mark. Yusei blushed but managed to compose himself.

"I...Yes. Yes, I do."

"For how long?"

Yusei paused.

"Ever since I laid eyes on you." he replied. Aki smiled, delighted.

"Really?"

"Really."

Aki sighed dreamily.

"You're so sweet, Yusei...Me too. I've loved you from the moment I saw you-" began Aki before she was cut off by an ear-splitting scream:

"AHHHHHHHHH!"

From the ceiling fell a teenage girl, not much younger than the couple, her brown hair covered in a white veil of dust from the ceiling boards. Yusei and Aki stood up together, clearly alarmed.

"Who the hell are you?" demanded Yusei, laying a protective arm over Aki. The girl coughed and glanced up at the couple, her chocolate brown eyes examining them carefully.

"Me?" asked the girl, pointing to herself.

"Yes; you, the girl that fell out the ceiling." replied Yusei. The girl paused before she stood up and began to brush herself off.

"I'm you're God." said the girl casually. Aki blinked in confusion.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

'Well, I'm actually just an author. But they're pretty much the same thing when it comes to pen and paper; or in this case, keyboard and computer monitor. At least, to you it is." explained the girl. Yusei and Aki exchanged glances.

"What's your name?" asked Yusei.

"Carly. Not to be confused with Carley Nagisa." replied Carly.

"Who's Carley Nagisa?" asked Aki.

"No one you know, yet." said Carly, having finally brushed the rest of the ceiling remains off of herself. Yusei cocked his eyebrow at her.

"Okay...Well, Carly...My name is-" began Yusei before she cut him off.

"-Yusei Fudo. And she's Aki Izayoi." finished Carly hastily.

"How do you know our names?" questioned Aki.

"I already told you; I'm an author. I'm you're God." answered Carly in exasperation.

"Okay, 'God', why are you here?" asked Yusei, clearly annoyed that this girl was cutting into his time with Aki. However, he decided that perhaps it was better to play along with her story, since she was clearly psychotic.

Carly paused.

"Well, while I'm all in support of you two dating, getting married, and having tons if babies-" began Carly before Aki cut her off.

"Can you get to the point?" said Aki irritably, crossing her arms and tapping her foot. While most would be frightened by this intimidating behavior, Carly looked completely delighted.

"There! There! That's what I'm looking for!" she exclaimed with big smile. Aki's angry expression twisted into one of confusion.

"What?" she inquired, her voice still sounding annoyed.

"The way you're acting now is the _real_Aki Izayoi; a cynical, short-tempered female who isn't afraid to lay down the law by kicking your ass. Granted, you can be sweet and considerate when you want too. However, the way you were acting earlier - all blushy, shy, and sugary sweet - was, quite frankly, gag-worthy and cheesy." explained Carly. Aki's lip twitched.

"Okay..." said Aki, unsure of how to reply to that. Carly smirked in satisfaction before she turned to Yusei.

"And _you_ sir...you were also very out of character. The emotions you display in the series are about the equivalent of a cardboard box. However, back there you were blushing like a shy little schoolgirl, stammering, and _smirking_. You don't smirk! Jack Atlas smirks! You usually have this look of complete indifference on your face!" said Carly, sounding nearly frustrated.

"Are you here just to insult us?" grumbled Yusei.

"Pretty much," said Carly before she paused to consider what to say next ", and another thing; there is no way you guys fell in love with each other at first sight. Aki, do you remember what you did the first time you _even _dueled Yusei? You tried to kill him by raping him with rose tentacles! Do you remember what you did the second time you dueled Yusei? You tried to kill everyone in the room! Even your parents! Your mother, the one who carried you in her womb for 9 months! And your father, the one who got her pregnant!"

Yusei chuckled but Aki looked positively irked.

"And Yusei, you couldn't have loved Aki at first sight either! Unless you're a masochist..." said Carly, her voice trailing off in thought.

"Well-" began Yusei in a matter-of-fact tone before Carly stopped him.

"-Never mind, don't reply to that." she said hastily. Yusei smirked.

"And don't smirk. I thought we already went over this." grumbled Carly.

"Are you done ranting?" asked Aki finally, tapping her foot.

"Yup; I think I've, for the most part," began Carly, shooting a quick glance at the still-smirking Yusei ", put your personalities back in line. You guys can go back to making out now."

Carly then turned to leave, but she was stopped by Yusei.

"Hold it." he ordered calmly. Carly sighed and swung herself around to face him.

"Yes?" she inquired with her hands on her hips.

"What about _that_?" asked Yusei, pointing to the large hole in the ceiling where Carly had fallen through.

"Oh, right." said Carly, looking bored as she snapped her fingers together, causing he missing section of the ceiling to reappear. Yusei and Aki stared at the ceiling and then at Carly in disbelief.

"What? Do I have to explain this again? I'm an author, this is my world and I can control it." she said with a wink.

* * *

Lucarly: I hope this was funny-ish. To be honest, this one was a little harder to point out the flaws in since it's one of the more, perhaps the most plausible relationships in the series. But I tried. Next will be funnier, I promise.

Aki: So says you.

Lucarly: Yup! So, reviews are love. If you love me, review. If you don't love me, review anyway.

**Next: Retributionshipping - Jack x Carley**


	2. Retributionshipping: Jack x Carley

Lucarly: Remember, this story isn't intended to bash ships. It's intended to poke fun at them.

Aki: What's the difference?

Lucarly: Bashing is hateful, poking is amusing.

Aki: ...Right. Lucarly does not own Yu-Gi-Oh 5D's.

* * *

**Retributionshipping - Jack and Carley**

* * *

"She's so beautiful," cooed Jack, cradling his daughter, Sakura, in his arms before he looked over at his wife, Carley ", just like you."

Carley's cheeks flushed pink.

"Oh, shut-up. She looks mostly like you, with the blond hair and all..." said Carley, her voice trailing off. Jack smirked and kissed the red mark under eye, the only indication of her past as a dark signer.

"She's got your eyes." commented Jack.

"True, but I still think she looks like you..." said Carley shyly. Jack sighed and relaxed into the cushions of the sofa.

"Whatever you say, love." mumbled Jack with a smirk. Carley smiled and leaned against his shoulder, sighing contently. All was peaceful for the couple until...

"Okay, I have just one question." said the teenage Carly, suddenly appearing in front of the couple. Jack and Carley's eyes flew open and they both stood. Jack quickly handed Sakura to Carley and stepped in front of them protectively.

"Who are you and how the hell did you get in my house?" roared Jack, glaring at the girl. Carley cast her gaze warily at him, looking rather bored.

"My name is Carly; the same name as your wife, except spelled differently. And I came in though the front door, which was unlocked, by the way," Carly explained cooly ", can I ask my question now?"

Jack glanced back at his wife, who gave him a quick nod.

"Alright, fine. What do you want to know?" grunted Jack. Carly took in a deep breath before she pointed to Sakura.

"How the hell...Did you have that?" was all she asked. The couple looked dumbfounded for a moment, and then slightly uncomfortable.

"Well..." began Jack awkwardly before Carly stopped him.

"No, no, no...I know that you had to have had _sex_..." said Carly, pronouncing the word carefully as if she were speaking to an idiot "...What I mean is, how by the laws of life and death did you have it? As far as I'm concerned, Carley's dead. And, well, I would say that one of requirements for procreation would be, I don't know, being _alive_?"

Jack and Carley remained silent, only exchanging glances.

"And what's more, how did you two get married in the first place? You know, I thought the phrase went 'till death do us part'," began Carley, easing into a rant ", And you know what else? The way you two were acting back there was...not you."

Carly first turned to Carley, putting her hands on her hips accusingly.

"You, my dear, were acting a lot similar to Mikage. And I love Mikage and all, but you're most definitely not Mikage. You're a clutzy, determined, innocent, optimistic, loud, quirky...Mikage, on the other hand is refined, shy, quiet, occasionally bitchy, and has a decent center of balance - I mean, she can run in high heels! That's impressive, and is most definitely something you or I couldn't do. Oh, hey, we're both clutzy! It must be in the name." exclaimed Carly, placing her hands over her heart dramatically as she made the comparison between herself and the woman standing opposite of her. Carley gave her a funny look but decided against commenting.

Carly then turned to Jack, her second victim.

"As for you...Well, you're just a douche bag." said Carly simply.

"You're not going to elaborate?" asked Jack, cocking his eyebrow at her.

"Nope; I think just calling a douche pretty much covers it." replied Carly. Carley couldn't resist letting out a small giggle, to which Jack shot her a quick glare.

"So...Does this mean you're done talking, and that you'll leave us alone?" asked Carley hopefully after a moment. Carly paused.

"Not yet; there's one more thing I have to say," said Carly, raising her finger to point at Sakura once again ", What kind of name is Sakura? It's so unoriginal! I swear, every single fiction I read that includes children has a little girl named Sakura! It drives me insane!"

"Don't insult my daughter." growled Jack.

"I wasn't insulting your daughter, just her name...And the fact that she's probably some sort of mutant child since her mother is dead." said Carly, bringing her finger to her own lips in thought.

"Get out of my house." ordered Jack plainly.

"What, all I did was-" began Carly before Jack cut her off.

"Get out of my house!" he repeated in an angrier tone. Carly sighed.

"Okay, fine. No need to get your panties in a wad." she said before she snapped her fingers together and disappeared.

* * *

Lucarly: I'm having way too much fun writing this.

Aki: I'm sure you are.

Lucarly: Yup! Reviews are love. So if you love me, review. If you don't love me, review anyway.

**Next: Coastershipping - Ushio x Mikage**


	3. Coastershipping: Ushio x Mikage

Lucarly: I'm a partly interested in this couple actually. I like MiJack WAY more but this one's okay...

Aki: You just like it because Mikage's included.

Lucarly: That is true.

Aki: Right...Lucarly does not own Yu-Gi-Oh 5D's.

* * *

**Coastershipping - Ushio and Mikage**

* * *

"It's awfully cold tonight." said Mikage, shivering and pulling her cat around her figure tightly as she and Ushio walked across a bridge together. Ushio cast his gaze over at her, his eyebrow cocked devilishly.

"Well...I could take you over to my place and 'warm you up'." said Ushio with a smirk. Mikage's lips curled into a sly smile.

"Oh, you're a naughty cop..." said Mikage in an almost seductive tone.

"Whoa, whoa! Okay, slow down please." said Carly, suddenly appearing in front of the couple with her hand held out as if to say 'STOP!'

Ushio and Mikage stopped walking and only stared at the girl blankly for a moment.

"...Who are you?" asked Mikage suspiciously, breaking the silence. Carly smiled and straightened herself up.

"I'm Carly, an author. Not to be confused with the reporter, Carley." explained Carly.

"Why are you here?" interjected Ushio.

"Because I was horrified at the scene unfolding just a minute ago," said Carly, clasping her hands together and speaking in a matter-of-fact ", and that is because you two were most definately not acting the way you should be."

"Well, we're not at work right now. This is our personal life." explained Mikage.

"No, you have me mistaken," began shaking her head ", I understand that this is your personal life outside of the office, so you don't have 'behave' yourselves, for lack of a better word. What I mean is, your personalities were WAY out of line from where they should be according to the series."

"Explanation?" inquired Mikage simply, crossing her arms. Carly paused and then gestured toward Ushio.

"Well, for example, since when has Ushio been able to say a sentence to you without stammering like a fool?-" asked Carly before Ushio cut her off.

"-Hey, I resent that!" exclaimed Ushio. Carly glared at him.

"Shut-up! Can't you see I'm having a civilized conversation with Mikage right now?! I know you really want to be in her pants as soon as possible, but you'll just have to wait. Oh, that brings me to my next point; you, Ushio, are much too shy to ever be sexually suggestive to Mikage. Which brings me to my next point!" exclaimed Carly, turning back to Mikage as she was starting into her rant ", You, Mikage, are much too shy to even pursue intimate endeavors. You can hardly stand to be sweet with Jack without getting all flustered and blushy. You're just so meek that you wouldn't be able to hear suggestive talk without going all red in the face!"

Mikage's cheeks flushed pink as she brought her hand shyly up to her lips. Carly smirked.

"See? That's what I'm talking about. Furthermore, and this is my own speculation, but you seem to be the type of girl who would wait until she's married." said Carly, putting her hands on her hips. Mikage paused but nodded.

"Then hold true to that. Oh, and there's another I wanted to ask you; whatever happened to Jack? I thought you were in love with him." continued Carly. Ushio looked horrified as he watched Mikage's blush deepen.

"W-well, I-I-" she began before Carly cut her off.

"-Exactly." said Carly, looking satisfied. Ushio grimaced.

"Are you going to leave now?" he grumbled in question. Carly brought a single finger up to her chin in thought.

"Hm...No, not yet. There's one last thing I need to address; Ushio, how old are you? You have to at least be in your mid-thirties since you appeared in the first series as a teenager, and that was about twenty years ago." explained Carly.

"I'm 37." replied Ushio plainly.

"I see...Mikage, how old are you?" asked Carly, turning to the still-flustered woman.

"I-I just turned 23." she stammered.

"And that is my last complaint," began Carly with a sigh ", while I've always believed that age is just a number, after ten years, it starts to get a little creepy. And you two, well, have a 14-year difference. Whoa, that means Ushio was just starting _high school_when Mikage was born. Eurgh." said Carly, shivering. Ushio and Mikage exchanged quick glances but said nothing.

"Anyway, I'll guess I'll leave so that you two can continue your...shenanigans." said Carly awkwardly before snapping her fingers together and disappearing.

* * *

Lucarly: Yeah...That sucked. That sucked really bad.

Aki: I don't care.

Lucarly: I know you don't, but I do. Anyway, reviews are love. So if you love me, review. If you don't love me, review anyway.

**Next: Novashipping - Kiryu and Carley**


	4. Novashipping: Kiryu x Carley

Lucarly: I'm sorry that this chapter is a day late.

Aki: You be ashamed of yourself.

Lucarly: ...Wah.

Aki: Wow, great sarcasm. Lucarly does not own Yu-Gi-Oh 5D's

* * *

**Novashipping - Kiryu x Carley**

* * *

"Morning, darling..." purred a rich, dark voice into Kiryu's ear, sending a shiver up his spine. Kiryu cracked his narrow, gold eyes open to see his fellow Dark Signer, Carley Nagisa.

"I don't believe I requested a wake-up call." growled Kiryu huskily, sitting up. Carley smiled mischievously as she pulled himself onto Kiryu's lap, kissing him deeply on the lips.

"I know; but I just couldn't wait any longer to talk to you..." said Carley as she pulled away. Kiryu smirked.

"You just can't seem to get enough of me, can you?" chuckled Kiryu. Before Carley could reply, the door to Kiryu's room flew open, the hinges making a loud cracking sound. Kiryu and Carley glanced up, expecting to see Misty or Rudger, but instead, there stood a female teenager with brown hair and eyes who was..._alive._

"Okay, I am so lost." began the girl, starting to rub her temples.

"Obviously," spat Kiryu vehemently as he stood ", who the hell are you?"

"My name is Carly; not the same one as your Dark Signer...friend," said Carly awkwardly as she watched Carley press herself against Kiryu ", and I'm not lost in the sense that I dn't know where I am. I'm lost because I'm confused as to how you two became so intimate."

Kiryu cocked his brow inquisitively, making the conscious decision to allow the clearly psychotic girl talk before he killed her for invading their hideout.

"Explain yourself." demanded Kiryu. Carly rolled her eyes and mimicked his order mockingly before beginning to speak.

"Well, what I mean is, when did you two get the opportunity to grow so close? The time between Carley's death and now wouldn't even be a day. Don't you think this all would be a little...quick?" asked Carly simply.

"Quick for what?" asked Carley, burying her face into Kiryu's shoulder.

"Too quick for you to have fallen out of love with Jack Atlas, that's for sure! It was only less than 24 hours ago that you declared him to be your true love! And now you're off making out with another man? What the hell is that about?! You're not a desperate slut, Carley..." sighed Carly, looking up at the black ceiling. Kiryu's lips twitched irritably and Carley blushed as she loosened her grip on Kiryu.

"But that's not the only thing that's confusing me about this relationship," continued Carly as she turned to Kiryu ", the nature of your sexuality is questionable too."

"What?" asked Kiryu in annoyance, crossing his arms.

"Do I have to spell it out for you?" asked Carly in exasperation.

"I guess so." spat Kiryu, clearly getting angry. Carly sighed and put her hans on her hips.

"You, Kiryu Kiyosuke...are a fruitcake," said Carly simply and dramatically before continuing ", A ballerina. A tutti-fruity jellybean. A rainbow-lover. A piece of bubblegum. A daisy bouquet. A tube of cherry chapstick. A male ladybug. A-"

"-Can you get to the point?" growled Kiryu, cutting her off.

"Kiryu, you're gay. There's nothing wrong with you being homosexual, but I don't see why you would take in an interest in women." said Carly bluntly. Kiryu looked downright pissed off now.

"Why the hell would you think I'm gay?" said Kiryu bitterly as Carley touched his shoulder in an attempt to keep his temper in check.

"Because you used to be the leader of a group called Team Satisfaction that consisted _only_ of men. Yeah, that totally doesn't have and underlying sexual theme," said Carley sarcastically, looking up at the angry man once again ", also, you dress like a woman."

Kiryu looked about ready to kill the young female before Carley pulled on his arm, bringing him back.

"You should probably go." whispered Carley to her name twin. Carly nodded, noticing the murderous gleam in Kiryu's eyes.

"Yeah, I probably should." laughed Carly nervously as she turned away ", Anyway, I hope you too live happily ever after...Er...Or not live, since you're already, you know, dead..."

Carley stared at Carly blankly whilst Kiryu just huffed angrily and looked away.

"I'm just gonna leave now." said Carly quickly before snapping her fingers and disappeared.

* * *

Lucarly: I should have you all know that I don't have anything against homosexuals. I'm just pointing out the fact that Kiryu is probably gay. But hey, I actually support Novashipping, believe it or not.

Aki: You don't really know who to ship Carley with though...Kiryu, Misty, Crow...

Lucarly: T'is true. Anyway, reviews are love. So if you love me, review. If you don't love me, review anyway.

**Next: Twinshipping - Rua x Ruka**


	5. Twinshipping: Rua x Ruka

Lucarly: Incest disturbs me a little bit, but hey this writing is all in good fun.

Aki: So you think.

Lucarly: It is! I have so much fun writing these, and they're not really intended to shoot down shippings. And let's face it, most shippings in the Yu-Gi-Oh series are far-fetched.

Aki: Fair enough. Lucarly does not own Yu-Gi-Oh 5D's

* * *

**Twinshipping - Rua x Ruka**

* * *

The thunder clapped loudly outside as a lightening struck somewhere nearby. Ruka was curled under her sheets, crying silently. She was astraphobic. She couldn't help being terrified out of her wits. The thunder rumbled again and Ruka whimpered, praying that the storm would soon end.

"Ruka?" inquired a quiet voice from in her room. Ruka pulled the sheet out from over her head slightly to see the shadowy figure of her brother, Rua.

"Are you okay?" he asked as he approached her.

"Yes, I'm fine," lied Ruka. Rua ignored her answer though as he sat down on the edge of her bed and pulled her into his arms. Ruka blushed as Rua began stroke her hair.

"Rua. . ." she whispered, looking up into his eyes. Rua smiled and brushed away her tears

"You'll be okay. You'll always be okay as long as I'm here. . ." said Rua gently, lifting her chin and cupping her cheek.

"Oh God! Don't do it!" screamed a female voice suddenly from across the room. Rua and Ruka immediately stopped and looked at where the voice had from.

"Who's there?" asked Rua defiantly, although he sounded slightly frightened himself. The figure of the female ignored his question, sitting down and rocking herself.

"Happy place. . .Happy place. . .Find your happy place, Carly. . .Ugh, I'm going to need therapy for this," said the girl, looking quite shaken, even in the darkness. The thunder boomed again, causing Ruka to scream. The female stranger, who's name Rua had figured was Carly, cast her gaze warily over at the window.

"Okay, I'm sick of this storm," she said as she snapped her fingers. Suddenly, the rains stopped and the dark clouds disappeared. Night turned into day, and the sun shone brightly throughout the land. Rua and Ruka looked out the window in awe, and then at Carly, who's body was now completely illuminated.

"How. . .How did you do that?" asked Ruka quietly. Carly shrugged.

"Well, I'm an author so this is my world. And you are my people. My very hormonally screwed up people," said Carly with a curt nod. Rua and Ruka exchanged confused glances, but said nothing.

"Sorry, I should give myself a proper introduction: my name is Carly, not to be confused with Carley Nagisa," continued Carly in a matter of fact tone.

"Who's Carley-" began Rua before Carly cut him off.

"-She's a reporter who died and blah, blah, blah. . .Yeah, you don't know her. I need to remember that there is a limited number of people who actually know who the hell she is," said Carly with a sigh. Ruka flinched at her use of language, but Rua looked unfazed.

"Why are you here?" asked Rua innocently. Carly straightened herself up.

"I'm here to prevent you two from creating retarded babies," said Carly bluntly before pausing to consider what say next. "Although, I have always wondered one thing about twin of the opposite gender; if they were to have a baby together, would it look exactly the same as the twin parents?"

Rua looked rather confused while Ruka looked horrified. After a moment she cleared her throat.

"That's. . .ridiculous. . ." said Ruka softly and simply. Carly laughed after a moment.

"Yeah, you're right. The baby would probably be some sort of mutant with an arm growing out of it's head," she mused. Ruka shook her head.

"No, I mean it's ridiculous that you thik Rua and I would ever have sex. Rua doesn't even know what sex is," clarified Ruka, gesturing to her still-confused brother.

"What's sex?" asked Rua after a moment.

"Something you and your sister should never engage in together," said Carly plainly. Rua looked dissatisfied with the explanation, but nodded. Carly then turned back to Ruka

"In any case, I'm all for brotherly and sisterly affection and comfort, however, what was just going on a few minutes ago was a little. . .unnatural," explained Carly with a sigh. "I guess it isn't really my place to judge though, so. . .Please, just don't have children. Ever."

"Don't we worry, we won't." said Ruka with a smile, clinging on to Rua's arm. Carly shuttered at the sight.

"I'm just going to schedule an appointment with my psychologist now." said Carly uneasily before snapping her fingers and disappearing.

* * *

Lucarly: I'm sorry if this chapter is rather disturbing. Oh well.

Aki: Now we're all going to have to go see the psychologist.

Lucarly: Yup. Anyway, reviews are love. So if you love me, review. If you don't love me, review anyway.

**Next: Sadisticshipping - Kiryu x Aki**


	6. Sadisticshipping: Kiryu x Aki

Lucarly: I've been slow to update this. My bad.

Aki: You are unbelievably lazy.

Lucarly: Guilty as charged.

Aki: You are sentenced to a life of writer's block prison.

Lucarly: Noooooo...I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's.

* * *

**Sadisticshipping - Kiryu x Aki**

* * *

The wind's whistle echoed from the walls of the old, abandoned building in Satellite, sending an ominous chill up the young and beautiful Aki Izayoi's spine. She sat upon the cracking wood of a windowsill, gazing out at the empty streets through the broken glass.

"I've been waiting for you," said a dark, low voice from behind the female duelist. Aki paused and allowed a sly smirk to grace her perfect lips.

"As have I. . .Kiryu," said Aki, standing up and turning to the place where she heard Kiryu's voice. He chuckled, almost maniacally, and came out of the shadows and into the dim moonlight.

"It's been too long, love," said Kiryu as he approached Aki, leaning down and kissing her neck hungrily, biting her tender skin. Aki moaned in pleasure, and wrapped her arms around him, digging her nails into his back.

"I'm sorry, but I don't see how this relationship will ever work out." remarked a female voice from the windowsill that Aki was previously on. Kiryu and Aki immediately pulled away from each other, both shocked that someone was present during their intimate moment.

"Just who the hell are you?" hissed Kiryu, glaring at the young girl. She sighed in exasperation and stood up.

"My name is Carly, not to be confused with the Dark Signer, Carley Nagisa, blah, blah, blah. . .I'm really tired of explaining this. Perhaps I should consider getting a name tag. . ." said Carly thoughtfully, her voice trailing off. Kiryu and Aki exchanged quick glances before Aki faced Carly again and cleared her throat.

"Why. . .Why do you think the relationship between Kiryu and I will never work out?" growled Aki, clearly upset that her moment with Kiryu was interrupted. Carly head snapped up in surprise and blinked, looking as if she had forgotten that Kiryu and Aki were even present.

"Oh, well that's easy to explain," said Carly with a sigh as she turned to the couple. "You are both sadistic; meaning you enjoy seeing others in pain. However, you don't so much enjoy being in pain yourself. So two sadists dating is practically suicide, because you'll be trying to hurt each other for pleasure, but it won't work out well. Simply put, a sadist can only really be happy with a masochist."

"I'm perfectly satisfied." mumbled Kiryu, glancing over at Aki and licking his lips.

"Yeah, you say that now. Just wait until she rapes you with her rose tentacles, like how she did with Yusei." said Carly casually. However, Kiryu's muscles visibly became tense at the mention of Yusei as he growled under his breath.

"Yusei. . ." he growled vehemently, clearly jealous of Aki's affiliation to Yusei. Aki stroked Kiryu's shoulder blade lovingly in an attempt to quell the man's anger.

"Speaking of Yusei, didn't he, like, fix you of all your sadism, Aki? And why aren't you following him like a lovesick puppy right now? I mean, it's sort of a little obvious that you've got a little crush on him in the series." said Carly, putting her hands on her hips expectantly. Kiryu looked like he would explode at this statement, but Aki spoke quickly and calmly.

"That may have been true, but. . .Then I met Kiryu." said Aki, attaching herself to Kiryu's arm. Kiryu looked somewhat pleased with this.

"Okay. . .And when did you exactly meet Kiryu? I mean, you show up in Satellite with all the other Signers, and Yusei kills Kiryu with his sparkly dragon less than 24 hours later. So, how?" asked Carly. Aki was left speechless at this, glaring at Carly with a burning hatred.

"As for _you_," said Carly, turning to face Kiryu. "You're still gay. Time to go find a boyfriend. A masochistic one. I hear Yusei's open since, well, Aki has clearly left him."

Kiryu hissed again at the mention on Yusei's name. Aki tightened her grip on his arm, both of them glaring at Carly. She chuckled nervously under their harsh stares.

"Wow, if looks could kill. . .I guess I'd be dead. In fact, I'm pretty sure both of you want to brutally murder me right now, so I should probably leave." said Carly in a matter-of-fact voice.

"Probably?" murmured Aki, cocking her eyebrow inquisitively.

"Definitely. See you." said Carly, snapping her fingers together and disappearing in a poof of glittery sparkles.

* * *

Aki: . . .Really? Glittery sparkles? Really? I mean, really?

Lucarly: I'm the author, I can do whatever I want. Reviews are love. So if you love me, review. If you don't love me, review anyway.

**Next: Kingcrabshipping - Yusei x Jack**


	7. Kingcrabshipping: Yusei x Jack

Lucarly: First Yaoi chapter. Let's see how I do. Since this is completely new territory for me, please let me know if I'm crossing the line, since I honestly don't know when I am.

Aki: Then I must inform you that you cross the line all the time.

Lucarly: Yes, yes I do. From incest, to female menstruation, to couples I hate, I think I'm starting to allow myself to write just about anything.

Aki: . . .There's something seriously wrong with you.

Lucarly: You now realize this? I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh 5D's.

* * *

**Kingcrabshipping - Yusei x Jack**

* * *

"You're an asshole, you know that?" Yusei didn't even bother to look at Jack as he said this, staring at city's lights ahead as his feet dangled over the murky waters that divided Satellite from Neo Domino. Jack cast him a wary glance, examining his expression. Although Yusei spoke calmly, Jack could tell he was angry from his furrowed brows.

"Jackass is the more commonly used term," said Jack plainly, a quick joke on the former King's part. Yusei didn't falter as much to laugh at the horrible pun, his face as stoic as ever.

"You left us. You betrayed us. You betrayed me." Yusei's voice cracked slightly. Jack blinked and looked down, looking slightly ashamed. The hurt in Yusei's statement was as clear as daylight to Jack. The older duelist sighed and shifted his body to face Yusei completely. He then lifted his hands and placed them on Yusei's cheeks, forcing the raven-haired Satellite to look at him. Yusei's cobalt blue eyes widened slightly, feeling weak under Jack's intense gaze.

"I know." Without warning, Jack started to lean toward Yusei, inching himself to his thin lips. . .

All to be interrupted by the sudden laughter of a female, surprising the two to pull away from each other as fast as they could. They looked over to where they heard the sound to see a teen, doubled-over in incessant giggling.

"Oh my. . .Oh my Gah. . .I can't do this." She breathed heavily, trying to catch her breath from her laughing fit. Jack and Yusei exchanged quick glances, somehow suspecting that this was someone from the media, trying to get a story on the relationship of the two Kings, but ended up stumbling into something. . .unexpected.

Yusei stood and Jack followed. Jack looked ready rip the girls' throat out, but Yusei elbowed him in the side, a gentle reminder to maintain their cool.

"Who are you?" asked Yusei calmly, placing an arm in front of Jack to prevent him from charging. The girl wiped tears from her eyes before standing up and brushing herself off, pointing at a "Hello, My name is:" sticker on her shirt.

"Carly. . .Not Carley Nagisa." Jack read aloud before casting his gaze up at the girl warily. Carly nodded with a big smile.

"The badge is being engraved right now, so I'm just sticking to this sticker. Ha, get it? Sticking to this sticker. . .I crack myself up." said Carly with a snicker. Both Jack and Yusei looked confused, unsure of what she was talking about.

"Are you retarded or something?" asked Jack suddenly. Yusei shot him a quick glare, Carly, however, looked unfazed.

"No; I'm just tired of explaining how I'm not related to Carley Nagisa," said Carly with a small sigh. "Speaking of Carley Nagisa , I think she would be very heartbroken to find out that you, Jack Atlas, are actually with Yusei Fudo. Especially after you declared her as your true love. Mikage would be upset too. And don't even get me started on Aki."

"How do you know all of this . . .?" asked Yusei, seemingly hurt by Carly's statement of how Jack declared his love for someone else.

"I'm an author; I stalk you guys through half-hour long tapes that are released every Wednesday." she explained, ignoring Yusei's upset expression.

"Okay. . .So you're not a reporter?" asked Jack, cocking his eyebrow at her suspiciously. Carly shook her head.

"Nope. I'm just irritating."

"I can see that." mumbled Yusei bitterly. Carly laughed nervously, smiling a tiny bit as she folded her arms expectantly.

"And this is why I'm here; to correct your personality. You've been acting so out of character since I started writing this chapter. You're not bitter about Jack leaving you at this point, and you don't hold grudges. You forgave Jack, like, after episode 26." said Carly casually, shrugging slightly.

"Episode 26?" inquired Yusei with a look of confusion.

"Nevermind, you wouldn't understand. The point is, you already forgave Jack and became friends again. Then you dueled against Godwin-on-steroids together, plus that other guy. Then you built a pretty bridge. The end," said Carly plainly. Jack looked slightly disappointed.

"No making out?" he asked.

"Unless you count Carley Nagisa, no. Actually, you didn't really make out with her either. It was all a vision she stuck into that tiny little brain of yours. Sucks to be you." she said with a laugh. Jack glared at her, although he said nothing. Carly paused, examining Yusei and Jack for a brief moment before sighing.

"Well, now we're at an awkward silence. This is usually where I leave. See you." said Carly before snapping her fingers and disappearing in a poof of glittery sparkles.

* * *

Lucarly: Heck yes! More glittery sparkles!

Aki: I need to take you to therapy.

Lucarly: But I don't wanna. . .Reviews are love. So if you love me, review. If you don't love me, review anyway.

**Next: Careshipping - Jack x Mikage**


	8. Careshipping: Jack x Mikage

Lucarly: This chapter is totally making fun of myself and my Mijack fics.

Aki: Makes sense since your one of the very Mijack writers few left.

Lucarly: . . .Yeah. I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's.

* * *

  
**Careshipping - Jack x Mikage**

**

* * *

**

Jack leaned against an old, wooden pillar of Martha's orphanage, gazing out at the navy blue night sky, and its thousands of twinkling stars that were spread over it like grains of sand spilled from a plastic bucket on the cool sidewalk. Mikage watched the former king from afar, believing that it wasn't wise to speak to him while he was in such a pensive state; it would only get him angry.

Jack reamined silent for a few moments longer before sighing in exasperation, folding his arms.

"If you have something you want to say, then just say it," grunted Jack without turning to face Mikage. Her cheeks flushed pink, unaware that he had known that she was present the entire time. The blue-haired woman let out an awkward cough before straightening herself up.

"I was just wondering if you were okay," said Mikage simply, trying to hide her embarrassment from the blonde duelist.

"I'm fine," replied Jack shortly. But then he paused, considering what he should've said more carefully. He then allowed another distressed sigh pass his lips, letting his arms fall to his side. "No, I'm not."

Mikage's head perked up slightly, the edges of her honey irises softening.

"What's bothering you?" she asked quietly. Silence hung for a moment, tension building up between the pair as it did. Jack blinked and looked back up at the sky, narrowing his eyes slightly.

"I can't get someone off my mind," replied Jack finally, closing his eyes tightly. Mikage's heart fell, knowing exactly where this conversation was headed; a discussion about Jack's love interest and her own rival, Carley.

"It's Carley, isn't it?" asked Mikage, her voice having a bitter edge to it. Jack paused.

"No, actually," he began, turning to fully face Mikage. "It's you."

"What the hell? Where did this come from?" asked a female teen, gawking at the pair in disbelief. Mikage and Jack nearly jumped, shocked that there was someone else there.

"E-excuse me, but who are you?" asked Mikage timidly after a moment, flustered from both Jack's statement and the presence of the girl.

"Ugh, I'm sick of people asking that question!" sighed the girl in frustration as she pulled a silver name badge off of her shirt and promptly chucked it at Jack--which he caught with ease. Unfortunately, the female teen had fail to cover the back of the badge, leaving its sharp needle uncovered.

"Ow! Dammit!" Jack swore loudly, the needle having stuck the palm of his hand.

"Oh, don't be such a baby. Read it," ordered the teen, rolling her eyes. Jack pulled the pin out and turned it around to read the badge.

"Carly, the author. P.S: Not Carley Nagisa," said Jack plainly, reading the pins' words verbatim. Carly smirked and nodded.

"Yup! That's me!" chirped Carly, her sour mood having done a 180 into a cheerful demeanor. Jack and Mikage stared at her blankly before Mikage cleared her throat, stepping toward Carly slightly.

"And. . .What are you here for? I don't mean to sound rude, but you're sort of. . .interrupting something," said Mikage quietly, gesturing toward Jack. Carly smiled at the older woman sympathetically.

"I know it's frustrating sweetheart, I mean with Jack about to declare his love for you and all-" began Carly before Jack cut her off.

"-Wait--I was?" asked Jack, his normally expressionless face looking quiet confused. Carly smirked again and folded her arms haughtily.

"I don't know actually, but I can and will make you do it since I'm the author of this silly little story that is a clear indication that I have no life whatsoever. But I digress; the reason I'm here is to receive clarification. You see, I am very confused," said Carly in a matter-of-fact voice. Mikage and Jack exchanged quick glances before looking back at Carly.

"Confused about what?" grunted Jack.

"Confused about you. Mikage is perfectly fine in this circumstance, it's **you **that is the problem. Since when have been open about your feelings? Never--that's when. And how can you not be thinking about Carley? You're always thinking about Carley! I mean, you even carry her broken glasses around everywhere like the creepy stalker you are. And when you're not thinking about Carley, you're thinking about yourself, or just plain not thinking at all!" said Carly, exhaling as she finished her rant. Mikage and Jack stared at Carly blankly, neither knowing what to say or do.

"Okay. . .I'm done. I don't want to be here anymore, I'd much rather just go write about you two making out. See you," said Carly flatly, snapping her fingers together and disappearing a poof of glittery sparkles.

* * *

Aki: Still with the glittery sparkles?

Lucarly: Heck yes!

Aki: Geez. . .Reviews are love. So if you love her, review. If you don't love her, review anyway.

**Next: Psychicshipping - Divine x Aki.**


	9. Psychicshipping: Divine x Aki

Lucarly: Argh, I'm so fed up with my internet! It's not working when I _need_ it to work.

Aki: Oh, what a drama.

Lucarly: It is very dramatic! I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's.

* * *

**Psychicshipping - Divine x Aki Izayoi**

* * *

Akiza raised her hand, curling it into a fist before gently knocking on the heavily polished, wooden door. Her hand then fell to her side as she patiently waited for permission for her entry.

_"Come in," _said Divine coolly from the other side. Akiza obeyed the order and entered the door silently to be greeted darkness, the only sense of light being a few smoldering candles. The claw signer squinted as her eyes attempted to adjust to the dim atmosphere. Suddenly, Divine emerged from behind one of his many bookcases, his sultry emerald green eyes fixed on the young woman, examining her as if she was a rare gemstone.

"So good of you to come, Akiza," he replied in a low, husky voice as he approached her, immediately reaching for her corset. Akiza did nothing as he ripped it off of her, kissing her neck passionately, suckling at it hungrily. The signer closed her eyes and sighed. This was becoming a nightly ritual for the two of them, and she learning to grow used to it--even if she hated it.

"Well, I think I've seen enough," said a female voice that was seperate from Akiza. Divine instantly broke away glaring at the area where the voice had come.

"Show yourself," he growled.

"Gladly," replied the voice, its owner stepping out from the shadows to reveal herself as a teenage girl.

"Who are you?" demanded Divine angrily, irritated with the girl's nonchalant demeanor. The teen cocked her eyebrow at the male in disbelief, her lips pursed slightly.

"You're psychic, aren't you? Can't you, like, read my mind or something? Whatever, my name is Carly, and I am God. . .No, not really. But the power over you imaginary characters is nice," mused Carly to herself. Akiza blinked in confusion and looked up at Divine, who looked rather bemused himself.

"Why. . .Are you here?" asked Akiza, gaining the courage to speak.

"Because this is one screwed up situation," replied Carly in a matter-of-fact voice as she pulled up a chair and sat in it. "First off, your names are completely out of line. Akiza is the American name, yet Divine is the Japanese. What the hell? I see this all the time, writer's using both the Japanese and American names_ in the same text. _Authors need to pick _one_ version and stick to it. Although, I advise writers to follow the original Japanese standards, simply because I hate the dub. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. And it's a big turn-off to see God-awful names like Trudge, and Mina, and Lazar in stories. And maybe I'm biased because I hate 4kids, but that's just my opinion."

"What writers? And who is 4kids?" asked Divine, his eyes narrowing at Carly suspiciously. The teen suddenly paused, considering what to say to the older man as she was very much aware that they were on one of the highest floors of one of the tallest buildings in Neo Domino--so pushing her out an open window could easily send her plummeting to her death. . .But what were the chances of him trying that when he had psychic powers that could kill her in an instant? In any case, the girl decided to not worry about such trivial things since she knew that the power of her keyboard and typing skills combined could whip Divine's ass any day.

"Ignorace is bliss, so I won't tell you about the writers. . .4kids, however. . .is an evil organization that performs more hianus acts than the Arcadia movement. I plan to burn down their building next week. Wanna join?" offered Carly, her mood taking a cheerful turn. Divine gave her an odd look but didn't reply in spite of her suggestion.

"Anyway, there's more I want to point out; why does everyone think you, Divine, is a sexual maniac? How come no one thinks you're a 30-year old virgin? I mean, I think you're a sexual maniac too, but still. . ." Carly's voice trailed off as she noticed the murderous look cross Divine's face. The girl let out an uneasy laugh and then turned to Akiza. "As for you. . .You were fine character-wise, but please change your name to Aki Izayoi. Akiza Izinski just sounds. . .bad."

Now even Akiza was glaring at Carly, which was her hint that it was time to leave--after all, her mission was complete. She pissed off the characters, satisfied her power-hungry nature, and bagged on 4kids. In other words, it was a good day.

"I'm going to make myself a sandwich now," declared Carly suddenly before she snapped her fingers and disappeared in a poof of glittery sparkles.

* * *

Lucarly: I just can't get enough of those glittery sparkles, man. Also, mkaing fun of 4kids is fun. It's like squeazing one of those stress-balls.

Aki: . . .Please seek help.

Lucarly: I already have! In any case, reviews are love. So if you love me, review. If you don't love me, review anyway.

**Next: Omenshipping - Misty Lola x Carley Nagisa**


End file.
